Hitting the inevitable wall of failure along the journey of parenting …

A week of “heavy boots” for me. Both boys are apparently struggling at school. Super Tall Guy seems to be having a particularly severe time….and after a string of emails and phone calls from teachers, I hit the wall.

Sometimes as a mother you struggle just to breathe.

Oh…it happens quite a bit, actually. I didn’t know that. Before. Now I do.

The tears burn hot in the eyes and threaten to escape onto the apex of the cheeks.

The heart aches as it wordlessly pumps life-giving energy into a body temporarily unwilling to accept it.

The brain screams “failure” from deep caverns within.

Failure…

Failure…

And you sit

Washed in emotion

Lost in contemplation

Crushed in fear

How could you be such a failure?

How could you?

The evidence seems to mount up so clear

Arguing against you

And yet….

Sometimes…. it takes a few moments to pull back

To look up

To step away

To see that all the little pieces jumbling towards failure

Pointing towards failure

All the little pieces….

Are in fact….just little pieces

And apart they are manageable and will dissipate.

Do not let them congeal and yell failure.

Do not listen.

You are mom.

You are strong.

You will rise again.

And so will they.

 

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7 thoughts on “Hitting the inevitable wall of failure along the journey of parenting …

  1. You are Mom. You will rise again, and so will they. That’s all that matters. The word testimony only forms after the word test….there is no such thing as a failing mom, we are better known as moms who get really good because we give it all we’ve got, and we keep at it… Love and hugs always

  2. This is exactly how I felt when at 7 Jason got a D in English because he wasn’t doing his writing assignments. He knew he was a failure, I knew I was a failure. Being the oldest, it took time to realize that we don’t give up on a 7 year old, he is not a failure for life! But that is when we took him out of school and began home schooling, the best thing we ever did for him and for his siblings. Know that’s not an option for you, but as you said, “we keep at it,” as many times as we need to – which is usually LOTS! Thanks for sharing, you speak for all of us!

    • I know – I think that’s part of the frustration – as a parent, you’re working within the confines of what you “can” do – sometimes the options that you want just aren’t open….and that can feel pretty hard too. Thanks for sharing.

  3. Pingback: Self-emptying | middleofthemadness

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